What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 22.06.2025 05:10
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Weight stigma isn’t just cruel — it makes losing weight harder - CNN
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
But it wasn’t much.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
As i do to all so called friends.?
I did it because my mum asked me too!
The odd effects a year in space has on the bodies of astronauts - supercarblondie.com
Put me off passion for life!!
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
All the time i was locked up.
Anthropologists map Neanderthals' long and winding roads across Europe and Eurasia - Phys.org
What did i know ?
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
She was in good health!
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
On the 31st of Jan this month .
First Day of Roots Picnic Was an "Absolute Disaster," Fans Say - Philadelphia Magazine
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Djokovic vs Norrie: Things we learned - Roland Garros
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Im still living with it.
Ive learnt so much.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
What transforms the philosophical intellect?
And i lived it daily.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Comes on , in middle age.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I couldn’t, believe it.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
So, i spoilt her more .
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
So whats the point in blame.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Especially a lifetime of it.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
I was 9 years of age.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
She found it foreign!.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Would this be the day?
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
We all went to grammer schools
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
They are buried together, in the same grave..
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
I could never make a relationship work though!
Who then, do I blame.?
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
It was going to be , some day.
She married twice! .
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Was to survive, this bastard.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I don,t even have a pension.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
(And it was in our own minds.)
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Im dying but, im not bitter.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Why did i forgive my father ?
He resisted the act ,that day.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
He knew the spot.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I write beautiful poetry .
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
One cannot live in the past .
But, we were locked up after school.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I will be 64.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
We were not on the streets..
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
I think the readers, may guess!
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I have no regrets .
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I was seconnd youngest,
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
I was scared of men, in general
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
My life is so biszare .
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
When she asked me how she looked .
My family never makes their pension either.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
I said to her
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
This is soul school!.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
I never cut or harmed myself..
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
But ive been too sick for many years..
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
She loved him until the end.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
She wouldn,t have been !
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
I waited trembling.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
I was very sick at this time too.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.